Peace of mind

Your mind is the machine of your body.

When you maintain a healthy mental state, your entire body and life works a whole lot better. Sadly, people run themselves ragged, work too hard, stay up too late, and sometimes abstain from abstaining from stress, worry, and doubt.

In order to achieve a perfect mind/body/life balance you need to understand three key mental health attributes which can bring a more positive attitude, help you in your work and home life, and bring about peace which leads to a longer life. When you take care of your mind, the rest of your problems seem to absolve themselves. Here are three tips to help you overcome YOU.

#1 — Stay Positive, Even In Negative Situations
After years of psychoanalysis and research on the human brain, one thing has become clear to me — humans are too passive when it comes to controlling emotional state of mind. Most of us allow different situations to control our emotions, leaving us drained and sometimes confused about what’s going on in our lives.

In order to achieve complete and total mental enlightenment, you must always be in control of your feelings. While this may sound bogus and unreliable to your specific condition, it is attainable. You may have already guessed, you’re fighting a losing battle to begin with because we are already wired to be negative. The cortical electrical stimulation in our brains is the negative thoughts and feelings which come and go throughout the day, but you have to police them.

In a sense, they are the unwanted gang members running rampant through the streets of your mind and it’s up to you to put a stop to it. Have you ever read The Secret? This lifestyle, while with some propaganda, it still promotes a conditioning in the mind which demands positivity. You have to train your brain to be positive.

It doesn’t happen overnight, but this is the main goal you should try to achieve. Think about the good in everything. While some people say sending out positive energy is good for the atmosphere around you, I am simply stating that positive thinking could help you extend your life.

Image courtesy of Unsplash
#2 — Manage Your Worry (and Other Things)
You are a byproduct of things which happen all around you. Someone cuts you off while you’re driving down the road, or maybe a family member has just been found in some sort of questionable situation. Either way it creates chaos and havoc within your mind and your brain expects you to manage it effectively.

Psychologically, it’s easier for you to
shove the bad feelings down a dark hole where your subconscious sits on them until you implode from the pressure from it later down the road. You already know this practice isn’t healthy but what are you gonna do? If it’s the only thing you know, you automatically do it without thinking about it.

Instead of hiding from those emotional feelings, manage them. Worry, stress, doubt, and fear are all products of your mind. You control these feelings.
When you think of management, you think of someone who is personal and in touch with all of their workers. Same idea applies here — when you manage your emotions, you are in touch with them. You don’t hide in your office all day, but you face them head on and work out your problems. It makes for a better mental state and helps you sleep at night which is the next point.

#3 — Get Some Rest
A study published in the journal
Current Biology proves when you allow your brain to rest, it helps you make better decisions while you’re awake. When you rest your mind it gives you the energy to do what you need to do to have a productive day the next day.

We are living in a world of unrest. People are working long hours and staying up early into the morning blowing off steam from work as well. If you really want to take a step towards a healthier mind you need to forget these extra curricular activities and go to bed every once in awhile.

Sleep helps you recharge the batteries, keeps you fresh for the next day and it alleviates anything you were worried about the night before. There’s something about waking up to a new day that resets the inner workings of your mind.

In Conclusion
Whether you’re looking to maintain a healthy state of mind, or you feel like you’re down in a hole trying to climb back up to where you once were mentally, your mind needs to have these three things each day. It’s up to you to give your mind what it needs to succeed. If you do you will reap the rewards of longevity and other positive health benefits in your life.

A leader is not a tyrant

Lead by Example

 Lead by Example in a practical way. After reading you will understand the definition and basics of this powerful
leadership theory .

What is Lead by Example?
Good leadership isn’t something that just happens. It requires many competencies such as decisiveness, motivation and the ability to lead by example.

 Lead by Example is a phrase that was described by American leadership guru and coach John Baldoni in his 2008 book ’50 Ways Great Leaders Inspire Results’. It might seem easy to set the right example for employees and be a source of inspiration for them, but according to Baldoni, actually putting it into practice successfully can take a lifetime. It’s about trust, gaining respect and motivating and managing employees to get good results. A team that’s being led by a poor leader, will be more likely to experience a conflict than teams with leaders who encourage, involve and inspire their employees.

Lead by Example Characteristics
It’s sometimes said that managers do things right and leaders do the right things. The best solution however, is to be both a manager and a leader. Leadership is about the process of an individual influencing other people’s behaviour, attitude and opinions. Leaders often set the course that other people have to steer towards it.

They can do that by setting challenges and objectives. They’re able to encourage and inspire others. Leading by example is another powerful trait of a true leader.
That’s why the following characteristics fit well with Leading by Example:
Setting priorities,

Leaders who are able to set good priorities, send a clear signal. That’s the first step to setting the right example. As a leader, it’s not strange to have the same high performance expectations as you set for yourself. That means it’s good to follow the rules and honour
agreements that have been made. The leader who sticks to that, can determine where the bar is set. That makes it more likely that employees will follow the rules.
Integrity.

A leader who shows integrity gains his team’s trust. When you make promises, it’s important to keep them. When topics are being discussed that don’t concern the rest of the team, it’s a good idea for the leader to handle it discreetly and not shout it from the rooftops. Integrity is one of the most important characteristics expected from leaders, and one that enables him to lead by example.

Team approach
A leader who doesn’t think twice about helping out his team and doing actual work motivates his employees and makes (departmental) objectives more attainable. Employees feel stimulated when they see their leader is willing to do the same work. That’s why it’s recommended that leaders never tell others to do things they’d never do themselves. By setting the right example, the team is motivated to put in that extra bit of effort.

Vulnerable
A leader is by no means required to appear infallible and inscrutable. In fact, a leader can show vulnerability by being open to feedback from the team, being willing to admit mistakes and not hiding certain weaknesses. That helps to build trust within the team. Vulnerability can sometimes be awkward, but will eventually strengthen the bond with the team because it shows that everything can be discussed openly. By setting this example, employees will also be more likely to be honest about what they can and can’t handle.

Moreover, the 360-degree feedback method is a fine evaluation tool for a leader to show that they’re open to the opinions of others. That’s an example employees can follow.
Lead by Example : Setting the tone
Leading by Example is about the leader setting the tone. That makes it a versatile approach that creates excellent leaders who are personally dedicated to their team. When a leader starts pointing fingers and is condescending towards his team, employees feel they’re not being treated as equals, which can have harmful consequences. If the leader does the exact opposite, it will undermine trust and make it almost impossible for the team to be successful.

Employees will start to wonder and have doubts about the leader’s strength, when the leader’s actual role is to take responsibility for the team, inspire them and show them the way. Leaders who lead by example, make it easier for others to follow them.

It’s Your Turn
What do you think? What is your experience with the leadership style Lead by Example? Do you recognize the practical explanation or do you have more additions? What are your success factors for motivating yourself and others?
Share your experience and knowledge in the comments box below.

What Is Self-Control?

Self-control—or the ability to subdue one's impulses, emotions, and behaviors to achieve long-term goals—is what separates modern people from their ancient ancestors and the rest of the animal kingdom. Self-control is primarily rooted in the prefrontal cortex—the planning, problem-solving, and decision making center of the brain—which is significantly larger in humans than in other mammals.
The richness of nerve connections in the prefrontal cortex enables people to plan, evaluate alternative actions, and ideally avoid doing things they'll later regret, rather than immediately respond to every impulse as it arises.
The ability to exert self-control is often referred to as willpower. It allows people to direct their
attention despite the presence of competing stimuli, and it underlies all kinds of achievement, from school to the workplace. It benefits relationships as well. Impulsivity, Willpower, Ego Depletion Self-Control
Does the “Marshmallow Test" Predict Success?
Trying Versus Doing
Do We Overeat Because of Poor Self-Control? Why You Lose Self-Control
One of the most famous studies of self-control is known as “the marshmallow test,” which found that children who, left alone in a room with a plate containing a marshmallow, were able to resist eating the candy in order to be rewarded with two in the future, later showed numerous positive outcomes. Notably, they had higher academic achievement than those who had wolfed the treat down immediately.
The study’s results seemed to indicate that self-control is an innate ability with wide-reaching implications for people's lives,. Later studies have suggested that self-control actually changes significantly over a lifetime and can be improved with practice.
There is significant debate in science as to whether willpower is a finite resource. Some studies indicate that exercising willpower makes demands on mental energy. This concept, called ego depletion, is one possible explanation for why individuals are more apt to reach for a chocolate chip cookie when they're feeling overworked.
Recently, however, scientists have failed to replicate some of the studies underlying the concept of ego depletion. A better understanding of why individuals give in to some impulses—but are able to successfully resist others—is critical for helping people who suffer from addictive behaviors, impulsivity, and eating disorders.

Self control is not all about Age

What Is Self-Control?

Self-control—or the ability to subdue one's impulses, emotions, and behaviors to achieve long-term goals—is what separates modern people from their ancient ancestors and the rest of the animal kingdom.

Self-control is primarily rooted in the prefrontal cortex—the planning, problem-solving, and decision making center of the brain—which is significantly larger in humans than in other mammals.
The richness of nerve connections in the prefrontal cortex enables people to plan, evaluate alternative actions, and ideally avoid doing things they'll later regret, rather than immediately respond to every impulse as it arises.

The ability to exert self-control is often referred to as willpower. It allows people to direct their
attention despite the presence of competing stimuli, and it underlies all kinds of achievement, from school to the workplace. It benefits relationships as well. Impulsivity, Willpower, Ego Depletion Self-Control
Does the “Marshmallow Test" Predict Success?

Trying Versus Doing
Do We Overeat Because of Poor Self-Control? Why You Lose Self-Control
One of the most famous studies of self-control is known as “the marshmallow test,” which found that children who, left alone in a room with a plate containing a marshmallow, were able to resist eating the candy in order to be rewarded with two in the future, later showed numerous positive outcomes. Notably, they had higher academic achievement than those who had wolfed the treat down immediately.

The study’s results seemed to indicate that self-control is an innate ability with wide-reaching implications for people's lives,. Later studies have suggested that self-control actually changes significantly over a lifetime and can be improved with practice.
There is significant debate in science as to whether willpower is a finite resource. Some studies indicate that exercising willpower makes demands on mental energy. This concept, called ego depletion, is one possible explanation for why individuals are more apt to reach for a chocolate chip cookie when they're feeling overworked.

Recently, however, scientists have failed to replicate some of the studies underlying the concept of ego depletion. A better understanding of why individuals give in to some impulses—but are able to successfully resist others—is critical for helping people who suffer from addictive behaviors, impulsivity, and eating disorders.

Self-control—or the ability to subdue one's impulses, emotions, and behaviors to achieve long-term goals—is what separates modern people from their ancient ancestors and the rest of the animal kingdom.

Self-control is primarily rooted in the prefrontal cortex—the planning, problem-solving, and decision making center of the brain—which is significantly larger in humans than in other mammals.

The richness of nerve connections in the prefrontal cortex enables people to plan, evaluate alternative actions, and ideally avoid doing things they'll later regret, rather than immediately respond to every impulse as it arises.

The ability to exert self-control is often referred to as willpower. It allows people to direct their
attention despite the presence of competing stimuli, and it underlies all kinds of achievement, from school to the workplace. It benefits relationships as well. Impulsivity, Willpower, Ego Depletion Self-Control
Does the “Marshmallow Test" Predict Success?

Trying Versus Doing
Do We Overeat Because of Poor Self-Control? Why You Lose Self-Control
One of the most famous studies of self-control is known as “the marshmallow test,” which found that children who, left alone in a room with a plate containing a marshmallow, were able to resist eating the candy in order to be rewarded with two in the future, later showed numerous positive outcomes.

Notably, they had higher academic achievement than those who had wolfed the treat down immediately.
The study’s results seemed to indicate that self-control is an innate ability with wide-reaching implications for people's lives,. Later studies have suggested that self-control actually changes significantly over a lifetime and can be improved with practice.
There is significant debate in science as to whether willpower is a finite resource. Some studies indicate that exercising willpower makes demands on mental energy.

This concept, called ego depletion, is one possible explanation for why individuals are more apt to reach for a chocolate chip cookie when they're feeling overworked.
Recently, however, scientists have failed to replicate some of the studies underlying the concept of ego depletion.

 A better understanding of why individuals give in to some impulses—but are able to successfully resist others—is critical for helping people who suffer from addictive behaviors, impulsivity, and eating disorders.

Say No To Anger

There’s one letter separating ‘danger’ and ‘anger,’ and this may not be coincidental. There is often anger involved in danger, and there’s almost always danger involved in anger.

Anger is perhaps the most commonly expressed emotion, and readily identified by most, self-righteously affirmed and dangerously expressed. Most will admit to feeling angry and even reiterate their ‘right’ to feel it.

Yet, this emotion—if it is even a legitimate emotion—causes more damage than any other. This is why scripture exhorts us to ‘put it away’, stay away from those that live with it and never let the sun go down while we feel it.

You may wonder why I question whether it is a ‘legitimate’ emotion. A colleague recently said this to me:

“I don’t think anger is a legitimate emotion. It is a defensive stance, a mood, a way of acting that covers deeper feelings. It is like armor that we raise to protect us from being hurt or being vulnerable.

It is, if anything, a secondary emotion. This way of acting almost always causes further problems rather than healing anything.”
His words have caused me to consider this ‘emotion’. I know that in my own life my anger has done little if any good.

When angry, I think unhealthy thoughts, say unhealthy words and act in unhealthy ways. Occasionally, it is the fuel to set healthy boundaries, but more often than not, my thinking narrows, my connection to others collapses, leaving me hopelessly alone.

Consider when you are angry. Are you like me, thinking irrational thoughts, feeling sorry for yourself and becoming accusatory toward others? Do you say things you regret?

What about this notion that anger is a secondary emotion, if an emotion at all? This is too often true for me. When I slow things down and reflect on what is gurgling inside, I find sadness, hurt and fear. I find feelings of betrayal, misunderstanding and confusion. There are always feelings beneath my anger.

Consider also that speaking from your angry voice, in addition to often being destructive, is not your authentic voice. Speaking from your voice of sadness, hurt and fear allows you to make true and honest contact with the other person. Speaking from anger almost always causes disconnection.

So, consider these steps of action in making a healthy connection with the people you care about:

First, put away anger.
Tell yourself that anger is not helpful to your situation. Acknowledge the harm that occurs when you become angry and the many scriptural principles challenging us to not speak from an angry voice. Consider the negative impact of your anger on your relationships, not to mention your own body.

Second, explore your thoughts that lead to anger.
Write out your thoughts that give way to anger. Explore the possibility that you are distorting your current situation. Look for distortions and ‘thinking errors’ that fuel your anger.

Notice the distortions that fuel your anger and impede working together with others. Follow the scriptural principle, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” ( Philippians 4:8 )
Third, explore primary feelings.

Go on a hunt for primary feelings. See if there is hurt, sadness or fear beneath your anger. Try to ‘stay with your primary feelings’ rather than acting out with anger. See if anger is a shield, protecting you from more vulnerable feelings.

Fourth, practice expressing your more vulnerable feelings.
As you lean into this new relationship, you form a new union. This is a new partnership and new entity. You can help your mate become all he/she was meant to be and they can do the same for you. Embrace this new union and see how you can emerge better than before.

Finally, encourage others to share their deeper feelings with you.
Gently encourage others to share their feelings. Don’t force it, as this is their work to do. Your work is to stay within your True Self and your truest, deepest feelings. Remain secure in your feelings and try not to shift into old, outdated, angry ways of interacting. Notice the positive impact you have on others.

Relaxing once mind

Why It’s Important To Take The Time To Relax

Modern life is more fast-paced than ever, and we’ve all got a lot of day to day demands on our time. From work stresses to parental responsibilities, finance worries and important calendar dates, we could all definitely use a break every once in a while! In fact, that may well be truer than you think.

 Proper relaxation is key to being able to function effectively, no matter what you spend your days doing.
These are just three of the major reasons why it’s important to relax:

1. It helps keep you focused.

2. It can be useful in tackling problems, (including creative obstacles).

3. It can re-energise you for the next challenges in life!

Right then – are you ready to find out how?
Relaxation Time Helps You To Stay Focused
It seems counter-intuitive, we know – and that’s what’s so great about it! At Melt, we think it’s all about time.
Think about it: so much of our lives is governed by clocks and ticking hands and alarms. The time we have to wake up in the morning. The time we have before the shops closed. The time we have left to finish this project at work.

For a little while, all of us need a world without time. The weekend is an obvious candidate – if you can, it’s a good plan to try and get the tasks most pressing on your to-do list done in the week, and leave yourself a good, long time where you don’t have to worry about the clock, or where you have to be next. It gives you time to process what’s going on in your life, reflect on it, and re-evaluate it. Having a chance to slow down and think about things can help you be even more productive in the long run.
Having Me-Time Can Help You Overcome Problems

Sometimes, we can run into a brick wall with a job. It could be a tricky task at work, or an issue at home. We’ve all had those moments when we know we need to do something – but we’re just not sure how. The weird solution to this can often be: just don’t think about it for a bit.

Immerse yourself in something else, help yourself unwind, and let the worries go. We’re not making this up, honestly – there’s a reason why ‘going for a walk’ is a common piece of advice to deal with writer’s block. It gives your brain the time it needs to quietly slot everything in place itself, so that when you turn your attention back to the problem, you might even find the answer all ready and waiting for you.

You Give Yourself The Rest You Need To Re-Energise
We all need rest, both physical and mental. Your boss wouldn’t expect you to work 24 hours without sleeping – you’d burn out. In the same way, you can’t expect yourself to be mentally sharp 100% of the time. At some point in the day, you need to let go and unwind. Taking some me-time helps clear your mind of day-to-day worries, which does wonders for your mental health.

It’s true we have to switch back on at some point – or nothing would ever get done! – but still, you should always make sure you give yourself a moment to relax every once in a while. Trust us, you need it more than you think.

5 Quick Suggestions On The Best Ways To Unwind.

An obvious one would be to watch TV, or engross yourself in a film. But just for this list, we’re going to stay away from suggestions that involve screen time – there’s no shortage of options there!
Instead, you can:

1. Meditate
It’s not everyone’s thing, but people all over the world regularly attest to its benefits, and it doesn’t have to involve the Lotus pose!

2. Listen to laid back, relaxing music
Perhaps compose a playlist!

3. Socialise with friends
Kick back and find out what’s going on with your closest friends. (And don’t talk shop for a little while.)

4. Read a meaningful  books

The ultimate quiet-time activity!
5. Take a long walk in the country to relax your mind.

Your health and Daily routine

Many people — myself included — get stuck in a routine of dragging themselves out of bed to get to work… and that’s it. We barely have time for breakfast in our routine. We’re just trying to get out the door.
But if you create a morning routine worth waking up for, you may have a different outlook for your morning.

1. Start slow: Sit up
Start with the basics: Just try to sit up. Push your pillows up, and maybe have an extra pillow stashed nearby to prop yourself up.
Sometimes just the act of sitting up can get you closer to getting up, getting ready, and starting your day.

2. What’s for breakfast?
Start thinking food
Thinking about food or your first cup of coffee can be great motivation. If your stomach starts grumbling enough while you’re forcing yourself to think about eggs, bacon, and French toast, you’ll be more likely to pull yourself up.

This doesn’t always work, though, especially if you’re experiencing a loss of appetite from depression. Still, know that eating something in the morning — even if it’s just a slice of bread — will help you get up.
Plus, if you take medications in the morning, it’s usually a good idea to have something in your stomach.

3. Don’t disregard the classics — try an alarm
Go back to the classics. Set an alarm — or a whole slurry of annoying alarms — and put your phone or clock out of your reach.
You’ll have to get up to shut it off. While it’s easy to just climb into bed again, if you have multiple alarms set, by the third one you’ll probably just be like, “FINE! I’M UP!”

4. Focus on what’s around your
Paper and pens may seem old-fashioned, but the affect they have definitely isn’t. Consider writing down something you’re grateful for every day. Or even better, do this at night and reread your gratitude in the morning. Reminding yourself about the positives in your life can start your day a little better.

Another option is to focus on your pets, which have shown to provide many benefits. They can be a great motivation for waking up in the morning, whether it’s feeding, walking, or cuddling with them.
Spending just a few minutes being unconditionally loved by your pet can have an overwhelming positive effect on your mood.

5. Get yourself motivated with routine
Don’t rush yourself to get up and get ready and take all the pleasure out of the morning. You can also try using other forms of motivation to get up, like your phone.
Let yourself check your email or watch a cute animal video to start your day. Just to ensure that you’re not staying on your phone all morning in bed, set a timer. Keep it around 15 minutes for phone time. Another option is to place your phone out of reach so you have to get up to use it.